Memories: First

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So many memories spouting up. Where do I begin when I have a lifetime full of them? Actually even more than that because I've spent my entire life being shy, quiet and just listening to everyone else. So I don't just have all of my memories, I have massive amounts of memories from my entire family. And my family is a large one. (Or used to be). I feel the memories everyone left me is part of the legacy I've been given. I know the Lord has a purpose and an order for the way they are rising in me, but to me they seem to be coming in just a random order. But since they are here and they continue to bubble out, I may as well just stop worrying about whether they hold any deeper meanings and just start writing.

I've mentioned to you before that for most of the final decade of Mom's life we lived separately and I would go over to her apartment one weekend a month and we would bake, cook, sing, laugh, pray, remember and mostly talk. We knew that the time we had together was dwindling and we should make good use of it while it lasted. 
Our every moment together was an opportunity to sort out any problems between us so that there would be no regrets later on after Mom was dead. I didn't want to spend the years without her thinking, "I should have said ..." 
(Regrets are poor companions) 

But an added bonus is that I got to really delve deep into who my mother truly was. Sometimes people never understand that our parents are people and view them more as "MY parent" and not much more. I thought I knew Mom well, but discovered she was so much more amazing than I had ever previously comprehended. My "Beautiful Revelation". 

So as I wander through these memories, please keep in mind that some of it is me remembering the events first hand as a child or younger person, but with Mom's help I could fill in much of the bigger picture and now I also have the understanding that comes with that famous "20/20 hind sight".

On one of our long weekends we posed the question: What is the very, very first thing you can remember? 
(NOTE: We often would pose a question, but sometimes it would take days, weeks or even longer before we came up with an answer.)

Mom's birthday is at the end of February, so we figured out by the context of her memory that she must have been 1 year and 10 months old at the age of Mom's first memory because it took place at Christmas. She distinctly remembers looking at the creche set up in her home (a "creche" is what French people call the nativity scene).

 She had done something bad and was being punished and somebody told her that every time she did something bad it hurt the feelings of "Baby Jesus". Later she went over and looked at the tiny statue of Jesus laying in the manger and felt horrible and full of shame that she would do anything that would hurt his feelings. She didn't realize anything about who Jesus truly was, but just that she was ashamed that she would be so mean as to hurt a baby. And it overwhelmed her.

My first memory  was at an even younger age. We figured out that it would have taken place before I was even one year old, while I was still a baby in diapers. My first memory is still very clear and vivid to me. It was of Mom. (Which is probably no great surprise to anyone who is a regular reader of this blog)

I remember seeing Mom smiling at me with her white, freckled face which was as big as my entire body. It was surrounded by her dark, raven hair which I longed to grab so I could pull her closer to me. She was making blowing noises and motions on my tummy with her lips and I felt completely happy and content. Very simple. But so are babies.

Thinking about who Mom and I each later became, that these would be the first events that made an impact on us is understandable. Mom's life was all about loving Jesus and demonstrating that to others. And the big foundation of my life was Mom. My greatest joy was to watch her spend her life loving "Baby" Jesus. 

Memories: Becoming Self-Aware

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I think another first  memory that I have is the day I refer to as "The Day I Became Self-Aware". 

It's that moment when you realize that you are a person separate from other people. Self-contained.  Perhaps that's the moment I realized I had a soul of my very own. 
I was definitely preschool. Either 3 or 4 years old. 
It was during one of the times that Mom and Dad were Separated. Mom left Dad more than once and then would return to him in the hope that he had changed and that we could try to live together as a family again.

So Dad was not living with us, Mom was working out, my older brother was in grade 2 and my Aunt was living with us as the babysitter. My aunt had a daughter the same age as me and I was playing with her and another little girl from the neighbourhood in our backyard. Suddenly I had to go to the washroom, which I announced and asked my cousin and friend to stop the game until I returned. 

When I came back from the washroom, not only had they stopped playing the game, but they had completely run away. I went to tell my Aunt but she was busy and Mom and my brother were not home yet, so I couldn't tell them about my "abandonment" either. 
I went back into our yard, sat on the step and came to the realization that I was "separate" from other people. All alone in the World. All alone in the Universe! (as big as I conceived it to be). 

I don't know if a cloud really did cover the sun, but that's what it felt like. A cold chill swept through me and it looked like all the color had been drained out of the world. My chest was just a big, empty, dark hole and I had no idea how deep the hole would go. I had always been a timid child, but at that moment I knew fear on a level I never had before.


Later that night, when Mom was tucking me in and we were discussing my day (which we always did), I tried to explain it all to her. I figured that once I shared it with her I would feel "all better" again. Her reassurance and love did help, but things were never exactly the same again. From that day on, my life was tainted by my new revelation of "aloneness".

Through the years many Christians have told me that they made a commitment to follow Jesus at the age of 4 years old. Many adults think this is too young and the child was probably just mimicking what they saw their parents do; that they didn't really understand what they were doing. But as I think back over this moment in my own life and that I was also about 4 years old, I think if someone had told me about Jesus and all that He did for me, I would have understood enough to want to be with Him. Or more precisely, for Him to come and be with me.

In order to get help from a doctor I don't need to understand the exact nature of my sickness or injury. That's what the doctor needs to know. All I need to know is that I'm in pain and the doctor can stop it and/or cure it. Sometimes becoming a Christian is just that simple. In fact, that's pretty much what happened when I finally did become a Christian. I asked Jesus to come into my life, to live with me and take over running my mess of a life. It was a very short and simple prayer. Pretty much what a 4 year old might say. But the important thing is that I meant it; to the tips of my toes. 

In an instant the color came back to my life, much brighter than it originally was and the scary dark chest-hole got filled up. I may be lonely sometimes, but I know I'm not alone. I KNOW it ! Jesus proves it to me every day and has for the past 38 years. And some of those days have been pretty dark and horrible. My only regret is all the years I wasted plodding on all by myself when I didn't have to. Oh, how I wish I had known sooner how much Jesus loves me!

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God."
  1 John 3:1 (NIV Bible) 

(NOTE: This was underlined in Mom's Bible with the margin notation: "Feb 14/13 L-L" (which was a month before she died. She made a Valentines Bookmark for me and wrote the above verse on it)



"He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said, 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself like a child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven'".
  Matthew 18:2-4 (NIV Bible)

Your Week and the Middle East Made "Easy"

Charlie Rose Interviews Benjamin Netanyahu (on YouTube)


Follow the above LINK for an interview with Israeli Prime Minister just after he talked to the UN in 2015. 

The Interviewer (Charlie Rose) is a bit of a jerk, but it's an interesting interview, it isn't too long, gives a general idea what is going on in the Middle East and is simple enough that even I can understand it. 
(And you KNOW I don't like or understand much about politics).

Current ISRAEL Map (2016)

"Everyone" seems to think the Middle East is the place to be watching. I hope this video helps fill you in. In at least a general way. 

Just FYI




I hope you had a good Sunday and your week to come is even better.    
(That's an order !  ;-)

"Yes, Ma'am!"

Sincerely,  Laura-Lee

Rest and Remember

I think the worst thing about all this grief I've had to face is that the people I would share my memories with are the ones who have died. 

Alberta Wild Rose
(Official Provincial Flower)

The "Experts" talk about the "Stages of Grief" a person goes through, including actually being angry at the person who died, ... for dying. I believe Remembering is a huge part of healing and until now I've shared very few memories and kept them short (according to my standard of what  "short" is).

But now I'm starting to feel things surfacing inside of me. Yes. A lot of what I feel and remember is painful. Some very, very painful. And "RAW" (for lack of a better word). But for the most part I appreciate my past and have no regrets about it. 

I've noticed there are certain things that God has endowed to each human being:

• a love of music
• a sense of humor
• a conscience
• the freedom of choice and
• the ability to remember. 

And since He gave these to each and every person, He must consider them important. 

And since you have demonstrated that you wish to hear those things from me, often by your continuing and returning presence here, then I suppose I will unleash them on you.  
I may end up repeating myself, I might not have a big point to make or a lesson to teach, but as the Lord stirs my heart and my mind and as time and strength permit, I would like to share with you. And I do thank you for reading what I've written, because I also realize that your time is very valuable too.

Now. A lifetime of memories. Where should I begin?



Oops! My Sunday Sabbath rest and Technology Fast are quickly approaching, so I suppose you'll have to wait to hear more from me. But for now, I'll do one of my most favorite things: encourage you to take a day to rest, put your worries away and spend some quiet time. Just you and God alone together. You might be very surprised what happens.

So until we meet again and with many prayers for you that you cannot see but, none-the-less, still very much exist, 

I am,

Yours Truly, 

Laura-Lee

Current Israeli Prime Minister

Prime Minister of Israel since 2009
BENJAMIN NETANYAHU

ANSWER TO:: How Long Does Little Ketchup Packet Last?

I discovered some information on the Internet that might actually be useful, so I'm passing it on to you (instead of my usual "silliness").

QUESTION:

How long does a little packet of Ketchup (aka. Catsup) last if the vacuum seal is still good, but it has NOT been in the fridge?


ANSWERs:

• Ketchup, Mayonnaise: One year for optimal flavor.
• Mustard, Taco Sauce, Parmesan Cheese: One to two years for optimal flavor.
• Tabasco Sauce: Three to four years for optimal flavor.
• Honey, Salt, Sugar: Indefinite.  
• Chocolate: * (see below)

To keep on the safe side of things, it’s probably best to throw away any packets that are beyond their “optimal flavor” point (unless it’s a survival situation).

LINK to where I found KETCHUP PACKET ANSWER at LifeHacker

Also FYI:

  I used to work at a CHOCOLATE factory  and I discovered that chocolate will last virtually forever. Whether it's wrapped up or not. It may get all crystallized, but even if you found it 20 years later, you could still eat it and not be harmed. Cool, eh? 

What can't chocolate do?!!

L-L

How Does God Feel About You?

For several months I had a room mate who was not a Christian and  gave me close contact again with the way non-Christians think and feel. 

I woke one morning to find before she left for work my room mate left me a note saying I had a "message on the answering machine" and that she would love to meet up with the person who left this brief message for the specific purpose to "kick their a** !" on my behalf.

After I listened to the message I thought, "this message is a bit rude, but it's 'nothing' in comparison to the rest of the things this person has done to me."
But I admit it made me feel good to know that someone noticed and cared about my treatment.  


The Bible tells Christians to actively love anyone who mistreats us. This is not optional. We cannot have an intimate relationship with Jesus with ANY hatred or bitterness in our hearts. 
But this has always left me with the feeling that because God asks me to forgive, that the way I have been treated doesn't matter to Him. But if just a little bit of rudeness created such anger in my room mate, I started to wonder how did God feel about it all? 

 I looked into the Bible and found His reaction was not that of a distant Dad, but that of a close  and loving Father.

"Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather leave room for God's wrath, for it is written, 'It is mine to avenge, I will repay,' says the Lord. " 
     (Romans 12:19) NKJV & NIV 

YOU matter to God. 
He IS keeping score.  
There IS a Judgment Day. 
You are His "BELOVED"

God is forgiving; not blind! 


God 'will render to each one according to his deeds' "...
                     (Romans 2:6)


As Fathers' Day approaches, why don't you do some "Biblical" research about God's feelings too? More specifically, how does God feels towards you?

How do you think these Daddies feel about their children? 
How does God feel about His children?
How does He feel about you?

I wonder what this baby is dreaming about at the precise moment this picture is being taken?

Who's the Funniest Fool on April 1st ?

I'm not a big fan of Practical Jokes. I find them to be a rather hostile form of humor, so I rarely do anything for April Fools Day (except be on guard against something somebody might do to me.)


I've previously mentioned to you that for the last 10 years of my mother's life we lived apart, in different apartment buildings, at separate ends of the city. And usually one weekend out of each month we created into our own "long" weekend and cooked and laughed and sang and prayed and talk, talk, talked our way through those "weekend" days.

One year April Fools Day fell on a day when I was due to show up at Mom's apartment. I usually took a bus, but this time I had several bags with me, so I decided to take a taxi over to Mom's place.

I also hadn't been on a date for quite some time, which Mom was aware of. In fact, the previous time I had taken a taxi ride Mom had been with me and the taxi driver had tried to "pick me up" and he was even bold enough to ask for my phone number.  I had not given it to him, for reasons that would have been obvious to you if you had met him too.

So, on that particular April Fools "long weekend", when I got to Mom's place with all my bags, Mom asked me if I had had any "difficulties" carrying all that stuff. 

 "No." I replied. "Actually, the taxi driver was extremely helpful."
Then, I don't know what came over me, but I suddenly decided to "celebrate" April's Fools Day. So I continued by saying to her,

"Actually, you'll never believe this, but guess who the taxi driver was."

She responded with, "I couldn't even imagine."

I told her, "It was the same driver we had last time. The guy who tried to get my phone number."

She was rummaging through one of the bags I had handed her, but when I told her about the taxi driver, her head popped up, she looked at me with deep sympathy and replied, "You poor thing! That must have seemed like a very long cab ride over here. Did he try and get your phone number again?"

I started acting embarrassed and shuffling my feet while I looked at the floor. Then I said rather quietly, 
"Actually, I hate to admit it, but I've been feeling a bit lonely lately, so I made a date with him this time."

"Honk if you want what I got!"

You should have seen my poor Mother's face. I know she was thinking all sorts of things including:

* "Laura-Lee is a grown woman and I have no right to interfere. 
* She usually has such sound judgment, but to go out with that taxi driver is  a sign she's in a bad way emotionally.
* How do I go about best helping her?
* How will I ever stop her from actually going out with that man?!!

All that turmoil in that one little woman. I couldn't stand to see her in such distress so I quickly admitted it was an April Fools "joke". Her sigh of relief was so loud I'm sure people heard it from here in Canada all the way to South America.
The joke had seemed to set itself up so perfectly, but to see Mom "twisting in the wind", even just for a few seconds, took all the "funny" out of it.
It seems that God gave us humor to make us feel good and if it does just the opposite, then it's probably not from God.

I'm not trying to sound "holier than thou", but lately it seems God has been stirring my memories and they've been "jumping out" at me from all over the place. I've been getting the desire to share memories without knowing if God is trying to teach something specific or if they even have a point.

 It's as if God is saying, "Don't worry about the 'why' or 'who' this story is for. That's my business. Here's a memory. Just tell it."

Maybe God is saying something to you directly OR maybe it's just an interesting or entertaining story for your enjoyment (and that's okay too).

At any rate, thanks again for coming by and reading what I've written. I always find it flattering and an honor that you spend your time (which is truly precious in our busy world and more valuable than money) being here with me.

 I deeply hope you come away feeling better, but (most of all) that you discover something to help you know you're neither alone or abandoned. Not by me; nor by God.

[Jesus loves us, this I know. For the Bible tells us so.]

  AND

Laura-Lee  ... [C'est moi]  Was Here

Remembering (Aunt Terry) with Love

Sorrow: Hard to endure, but good to have experienced love so great that it is missed so hugely.
llr