Facing death is a very strange experience. Especially when you are doing it alone. There you are with a bunch of strangers rushing around, trying to keep you alive. But not because they know you but because it's their job. They are being paid to do it.
I've never been married, I have no children and no "next of kin", so when a handful of doctors and nurses showed up at my bedside some time between midnight and 1:00 am it was definitely a rude awaking.
What was required to keep me alive was blood transfusions. However, here in Canada, in order to get blood transfusions you have to agree to it and then sign a waver saying that "if you receive any blood tainted by yada yada yada .... then the hospital ... yada yada yada ... is not responsible ... yada yada yada ..." You get the idea.
The irony wasn't lost on me, even in my condition and even at that time of the morning. All the grief that I've experienced in such a few short years and discovering myself alone in the world ... how many times did I pray that God would just "take me Home."
Then, of course, you have to remember that when I was faced with The Decision I was completely paralyzed. So the entire "quality of life" issue came into play as well. I asked the main doctor if I could have a "little bit of time to think about it. Maybe give you The Decision in the morning?"
The doctor's answer:
"Ms. Rahn, you don't have a bunch of doctors and nurses and a couple of administrators show up at your bedside at this time of the night unless you need this blood right away."
So there it was. The Decision lobbed right back at me.
I agreed to the transfusions, the "administrator" explained to me what was written on her stark, white papers, then she took my hand and helped me sign my name.
Even though I couldn't think of a good reason to stick around, I couldn't stand the idea of being so ungrateful as to throw the gift of eternal life back in Jesus' beautiful face. Especially after Him making such a huge sacrifice for me as His death on the cross.
So for the next few days and particularly those first hours, as I watched the blood drip down the tube and into my arm, I experienced some very interesting thoughts and prayers.
The first thing I thought of is "what if I don't make it?"
In my case. a simple picture of all my belongings being brought to the dump and my cat being surrendered back to the local Humane Society answered that question.
I did have a massive amount of memories "flash before my eyes" but I didn't only remember all the people who had a large part in my life but also so many people who had been in and out of it quite quickly. The nasty first boss I had, the man from the Salvation Army who asked me on a date, the lady from the BC government who helped me fill out a very long form. And on and on.
But I thought less about how I had touched or affected their lives and more about how they had touched and affected my life. I did hope that somewhere along the way I had made somebody's life, or even just their day, a little bit easier.
After all, every one of us is on borrowed time. The only difference is that I can no longer ignore or pretend that I'm not.
We are created by God and then sent on this journey called "life" that will only last for a few short decades. Then we return to face God on Judgement Day to show how we spent our lives. The choices and decisions that we made during our sojourn, as we stand before the absolute perfect and holy God, trying to think of anything that might atone for all our sins. Welcome to the human condition for which there is only one real "cure". Jesus. His blood shed by his death on the cross for the forgiveness of sins. My sins. And our believing the truth of that and accepting this gift as proof of his friendship and His Lordship.
I admit that at that moment, as I watched someone else's blood dripping into my veins, His blood flowing to save my life took on a very vivid, fresh meaning to me.
Ultimately, though, we are not here very long. So much of what we care about and fuss over just doesn't matter and so much of what we ignore is what will have eternal consequences.
It's really not as complicated as we make it out to be. The illusion of my own self importance stripped away until I realize I am not the center of the Universe. In fact, thankfully, I now know I am not even the center of my own Universe.
11When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
13And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
4Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not [b]puffed up; 5does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, [c]thinks no evil; 6does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
(1 Corinthians 13 - King James Bible)So simple. So lovely. Something to Rest in and Abide in. Enduring and eternal love.
That is my message. It's what I was put here to say before my "Borrowed Time" is up.
So with Eternal love,
Laura-Lee (who was definitely here)
For no sooner has the sun risen with a burning heat than it withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beautiful appearance perishes. So the rich man also will fade away in his pursuits
Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.
( James 1:11-12 King James Bible)
