(Resolutions/Blog Hits/Amanda Todd)
This year, so far, I have written two blog posts. One: about my New Year’s Resolutions, which was suppose to be semi-humorous. And the second: about my ever increasing blog readership and promised to write something that matters. With those two things in mind…
Last Spring, (2012) I heard someone repeat the old, old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never harm me.”
It’s such an old saying that is was around even when I was a little kid (I’m 46). Even when my Mom was a little kid (she’s 71). Even when my grandmother was a little kid (she would be 96 – if she were still alive). Needless to say, IT’S AN OLD SAYING! But just because something is old, doesn’t necessarily make it true.
As the Spring turned into Summer, I couldn’t get that silly old phrase out of my mind. Especially as I prayed. Every time I had a talk with the Lord all these memories would surface. I’d remember the horrible things people had said to me through the years and how deeply they hurt me. Times when I actually cried myself to sleep over them.
Another thing happened last year. Each time I went out into public I became acutely aware of people saying nasty things to each other. I would look into the face of the person receiving these comments (even if it was meant to be a joke) and I could see that it would go deep into them.
So in October, when Amanda Todd killed herself, I was very much interested in her story.
For the few of you left who don’t know who Amanda Todd is … She was a teenager who killed herself in October 2012. She had exposed her chest to someone, they took at photo, put it on the Internet, ridicule began, then an ever increasing spiral of badgering, name calling and cyber-bullying that literally drove her to suicide. The most tragic part of Amanda’s story is that she posted a video of herself on YouTube several weeks before she killed herself in which she told her story and BEGGED those who were tormenting her to leave her alone. (It is truly a heart breaking video).
At the time of her death, I wanted to jump onto the Internet and start talking about it but it seemed like EVERYONE (from good or bad motives) had jumped on ‘the bandwagon’ and were using this horrible incident to increase ratings on TV shows, to promote books or raising money for charities. I thought my voice was not needed to add to the cacophony.
So I watched, gathered more information, digested it and prayed. If ever I needed Jesus to help me make sense out of something, this was the time.
Who’s fault was it? Why didn’t those badgering her leave her alone? Why do people insist on hurting each other when we all know how it feels? But mostly I wanted to know, “COULD IT HAVE BEEN PREVENTED”?!
Before I knew much about it, I figured I would blame Amanda’s parents. But it was obvious they did what they could. Maybe the teachers should have intervened? What about school counsellors? What about the therapists that Amanda was seeing? Where were the police in all this? I WANT SO MUCH TO BLAME SOMEONE!
Then something caught my eye. At YouTube, after I watched Amanda’s video, I started reading the comments left there. Left there AFTER she had died. As I scrolled down I read things like, “Hey Amanda! That’s what the BLOCK button is for Stupid” / “Don’t be such a whiner”. / “Too bad you didn’t manage to kill yourself the first time you tried. You really were a failure.” / “Good riddance” and on and on they went.
I thought, “For mercy’s sake, SHE’S DEAD AND YOU STILL WON’T LEAVE HER ALONE!!!” If they wouldn’t grant her peace after she was dead, I can’t imagine they gave her any while she was alive.
Plus, between the mostly hostile comments were the other kind. The people calling out for help because they are enduring the same thing as Amanda right now and have nowhere to turn. They don’t want to die, but they cannot endure the pain.
I suppose God had me thinking on this before Amanda died because this is part of my own emotional baggage. I was going to kill myself in April of 1978. I endured tormenting at school and even a couple of beatings and someone trying to kill me. My mother and I went to the school counsellor and principal who called me a liar. Finally, my mother took me out of school the following year in April. I would try again the next year at a different school.
But there is a huge difference between when I was that age and in these times. When I was a young teenager, there were no cell phones, no text messages and no computers in our bedrooms. At the end of a day, as bad as it was, I could shut the door and leave the world outside. A moment of peace. A refuge, even if only for a few hours.
But now, the tormentors can crawl into your home and right into your bedroom, they follow you wherever you have your phone … There is no other school to go to for escape, … no city to move to that’s far enough away, … no place to run? And it’s not only the few kids you see in the hallways at school or in your neighbourhood, it’s hundreds and thousands of kids who have never even met you. Those who surf the net, go to your Facebook page, send you IM’s, text messages, nasty photos, pictures or even hostile ecards.
Who killed Amanda Todd? We all did! Even I did. Every time I said something hurtful or didn't stand up for someone being hurt, or stood still and did NOTHING when I should have done something.
Names hurt. They wound. They don’t just break bones, they KILL people.
God knows it. He knew it long before He started talking to me about it last Spring. But He knows that even greater than the power of words to tear down are their ability to build up.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” EPHESIANS 4:29
For me, what made the difference between killing myself or living out my life was simply , … words. Words spoken to build me up, to keep me going and to point me toward the truth.
So this year my REAL new year’s resolution will have nothing to do with my looks or my money, … I will promise to control my tongue and speak only what will build up others. When I see something good, I’ll praise it; when I see someone hurting, I’ll use my words to comfort; when I see a lie, I’ll speak the truth. I’ll say WHAT MATTERS. And this resolution will stay with me throughout my life, not just this one year. I pray that God will take my few utterings, magnify them and send them out to help and heal.
To Amanda Todd, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.That I failed you. And to all the other hurting people, who think they are worthless, unloved and will never find peace…
I can only tell you how I found my way out and point the way up.
“I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
PSALM 16:8-11
Old, old words. But this time, absolutely true. And everlasting.
