Here’s a true story:
There was a married couple who had been together for many years. They had not only gone past the point where they annoyed each other, they were at the point where they HATED each other!
In a last ditch attempt to salvage their marriage, they decided to go and see a marriage counsellor. They went to the meetings separately and together for several weeks but all they ended up doing was arguing. They decided that the therapy was a waste of time and that they should just “chuck it in” and get a Divorce.
Since they had been married for more than 15 years, the Therapist convinced them to give their marriage just one more try. They agree and he told them:
“I know that the two of you can barely stand being in the same room together anymore, but I want you to try an experiment for the next 6 months onlySo the couple gritted their teeth and agreed to go through the experiment. After all, they had waited this long, it’s not like another 6 months is going to make a difference.
For that time I want you to “act” like you love each other. You don’t have to feel it. You just have to pretend to feel it. Even when you can’t stand the other person anymore, I want you to be sweet and kind and thoughtful to each other. Go out of your way to do nice things for each other. Even if you have to completely FAKE IT.
At the end of doing that for 6 months, if you still want to get a Divorce, go ahead. You will get no argument from me.”
At the end of the 6 months the couple went back to the Counsellor. He was ready to “give his blessing” to the Divorce because during those 6 months they hadn’t even come in to see him or get any advice. He had heard only silence from them for the 6 months, so he figured they hadn’t even waited that long to begin Divorce proceedings.
The couple came into his office and sat down being extremely quiet. He told them they would get no more hindrance from him as far as the Divorce and asked them if they had seen lawyers yet.
They finally spoke to him and told him that they had no intention of getting a divorce. Now or never.
During the first days and weeks of the experiment of “being nice” to each other, they figured it would either end in homicide or suicide or both. But somewhere along the way, the feelings that they were “pretending” that they were having for each other started to become real.
It stopped being a chore to be nice to each other and eventually, they found that they were talking (and listening) to each other and had eventually fallen in love with each other. Even more than they had when they had first met and gotten married.
This is a very important truth that is has taken most of my 46 years to figure out:
“Your feelings will follow an act of your will.”
Believe me, it is not easy at first. But eventually your heart starts melting and you start seeing things from the other person’s point of view.
It’s a truth that Jesus knew when he told us to “love our enemies” and “pray for those that persecute you” and “if someone hits you on the right cheek, turn the other one to him,” and “if someone beats you and forces you to go a mile with them, go with them another mile”.
When I have told someone who is not a Christian that someone did something “nasty” to me, they don’t understand why I don’t do it back. If I’ve been hard done by, they the other person has it coming.
But that is NOT Jesus’ way! Hate and bitterness can eat us up alive. Sometimes it can make us more sick than an actually physical disease or ailment. But it is extremely hard to hate someone when you are praying for them. It helps you to see things from their point of view.
And more than changing the other person, love and forgiveness changes YOU. And it comes down to, you can’t find happiness, if you can’t find it inside yourself. And the quickest way to get it inside yourself, is to spread it around.
“It’s nice to be nice”
