In a previous blog post I told the story about how I spent one New Years Eve reciting a chapter in the Bible I had memorized (Romans 12), because I had decided to attempt a Resolution that I would not abandoned mere hours into the New Year.
In my family, when we celebrate the New Year, whether it's been simply those in my immediate family (which was the case for many years) or we had gone out or had company over, by the time mid-night rolled around we were less ready to party, but feeling more thoughtful as we remembered the year that had just passed. All our hardships and blessings; memories both sorrowful and joyful returning. It's mostly been a time for reflection by mid-night of December 31. This night is no exception for me.
So, as I'm about to say "good-bye" to 2015, I am again reflective. Thinking not just about 2015, but all the previous years and circumstances that have brought me to this time and place. As the midnight hour approaches it will be just me and Jesus, but right now I have a few things on my heart I'd like to share with you, my faithful friends (for friends is how I have come to think of you). I don't want to sound arrogant or critical, but I've learned a few things along the way I wish to say in order to "share and spare" you.
As each New Year comes around I ask Jesus, "Lord, what one BIG thing do I need to be working on this year, as far as my character is concerned?"
He always has an answer ready for me.
I remember the new year of 2005 specifically, especially when I consider the ridiculously UNfaithful person I am. As that year approached, Jesus had made it abundantly clear to me that I needed to clean up my lying. I found that surprising because my "little white lies" weren't that serious. And they almost always were told to enhance a funny story or anecdote I was telling. That was something that made people laugh and enjoy themselves. Not a big sin. Something I should probably be commended for. For instance, I might make a story funnier if I began with "I was standing in line at the bank for almost half an hour ... ", instead of the 10 minutes I had actually been standing in line. Those aren't "real" lies, are they now?
But when the Lord sent me the Bible verse, "Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord", that pretty much put an end to the debate and "not lying, no matter how big or small" became my official New Years' Resolution for 2005 (even if it wrecked some of my funny stories).
I soon discovered it was "easier said than done". As I became watchful of the lies I told, I realized I was telling my "little white lies" everywhere. And they were NOT easy to stop! Part of my resolution was that whenever I lied, I would go and admit the "truth" to whomever I had told the lie to. Easy. Right? Wrong again, Laura!
It would go something like this:
I would tell a lie, and quite quickly realize I had done it. I would think, "Great. Now in front of all these people I just told my story to, I have to admit I lied to them."
So I would say, "Actually. I lied. There weren't 50 people on the bus with me, but only half that amount."
People were always very understanding about it. But that's when I understood how difficult my problem actually was. In my "coming clean" I had actually just told another lie. It wasn't "50 people" or "half that amount". It was more like only 6 people. So I had to go, seek out those same people and confess that when I was telling them "the truth" I was actually just telling them another lie. That didn't go over so well and led to some truly awkward and embarrassing moments. My lying was a much bigger problem than I had ever imagined!
I remember at one point when I had lied to Mom and had finally managed to get around to the "whole truth and nothing but the truth" (around my 4th attempt) I said to her, "Oh Mom, what must people think of me when I go back a second and third time and say, 'You know when I confessed that lie, I actually just lied to you again?' People must now dread the sight of me and not believe one thing that comes out of my mouth. They probably think, 'Here comes "Lying Lips Laura-Lee" ' !"
That was a difficult year and many, many months of embarrassing and uncomfortable moments and conversations. Yet, with God's grace and strength I gradually started ridding myself of the lies. But, I won't lie to you, it was very hard, but it brought about some interesting results.
By the time the next year (2006) came I had actually started "catching" several people blatantly lying to me. When I immediately confronted them with, "That's a lie!" or "I know you're lying to me!" they would NOT even pause but just say, "Yeah. I lied, anyway ... and just continue on, as if I had said nothing more important than "your shoe is untied." It was happening everywhere. From my landlady to the cashier at the grocery store. Everywhere! And I found it very unnerving in a foundational way that so many people were lying, being caught and couldn't have cared less!
And I started to realize why the Lord had wanted me to get my own "house in order" before this wave of lies hit me the following year.
Also, I had presumed I would get the reputation for being a massive liar because I was always admitting to someone that I had just lied, but the reverse happened. I got the reputation for telling the truth because of all the obvious pains and embarrassment I had gone through to tell it. God actually took my evil acts and turned them for his glory and His good. Only God could do that.
I still have problems with lying. Like an enemy army waiting, Sin will always encroach on your territory if you don't keep a watchful eye on it. So there are times when I realize I've gotten rather "loosey-goosey" with the truth and I need to "tighten things up". But at least I can realize it. Many people don't even care about telling the truth. They don't know; don't care. So it's more important now than ever before that I stick to the truth.
"If the salt loses it's saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled by men." (Matthew 5:13)
And I am far from immune to the influence of those around me. When I start telling myself it's "not that big a deal" (AGAIN), I only have to read the story of Ananias and Sapphira. ( Acts 5)
And if I read Revelation 21:8 and can't find something about myself to change, then I'm just not trying very hard.
"But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars - their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."
But after I've focused my eyes on myself and what I need to change, I am going to turn to Jesus and focus on His great mercy towards me. 2016 has just begun and I "prayed it in". By approaching God's throne with confidence and knowing I have the assurance of being His beloved daughter. Forgiven in spite of my sins, empowered in spite of my weakness, REcreated in spite of my brokenness.
Please join me, as you have joined me so many times this past year by reading what I have to say.
" So he said to me, 'This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: "Not by might. Not by power. But by my Spirit says the Lord." ' ." (Zechariah 4:6)
"Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you as well." (Matthew 6:33)
I know all this stuff seems pretty "heavy" when all you might want to do is have a "good time" right now and forget the bad. But we live in hard times that I believe will get even more difficult. I don't know what this coming year will bring. But as Jesus sat with his disciples and looked forward to this time period he said,
" 'Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.' " (Matthew 24:35)
So the best advice I can give you is to read the Bible and seek Jesus. Read, read, read! Before you can't find a Bible left to read.
May Jesus guard and protect you and you will come to know (REALLY know) that "safety" isn't found in where you hide, but in Whom you hide. (Psalm 91)
My love to you.
Sincerely, Laura-Lee
December 31, 2015, Edmonton, Alberta, CANADA
