It's Weird What You Remember ...

... about someone after they have died. No matter how sick Mom was or how badly she felt first-thing in the morning, "before the pills kicked in", I would often hear her singing in the morning. And 9 times out of 10 it would be some ancient country western song or some goofy pop song from the 1950's.

So now when I'm falling asleep, thinking about how much I'll miss my best buddy and gently cry, what do you think goes through my brain?

Yup. The song, "I've Got Tears in my Ears from Laying on my Back and Crying Over You." (Yes. That's a real song and I'm going to miss hearing her sing it. )

One of the things death has taught me is it's all the things that makes a person odd and different that makes them the most precious. After Mom died and I came home from the hospital I was exhausted because I hadn't slept for 5 days. I decided to get out one of Mom's warm night gowns to wear that first night alone.
Out of all the nighties she had I was searching for one in particular. I had bought it for her and about 5 minutes after she first put it on she dropped a spoonful of chocolate pudding on it. She was so upset because she had "wrecked" such a nice nightgown. She felt especially bad because it was special to her because it had come from me and  from that moment on it would always hold that big chocolate stain right in front. No matter what she did she couldn't get that stain out.
Well, that first cold night (it was actually -32 degrees on that March 22 night she died), I knew I HAD to wear the night gown with the chocolate stain. It's the thing that made it hers. That's what made it precious to me. I love to look at that stain still.

Don't EVER try to be like someone else. How boring life would be if we were all the same. Accept and embrace who you are with all your oddities,  accidents, and your precious peculiarities.  You'll never know the joy of being loved just for who you are if  you AREN'T who you are. And that kind of love is SO worth it, even if you have to wait a long time for it , or if it  hurts miserably when it's gone. Because it never actually leaves. (which is another mind-blowing truth for another time).

Love Laura-Lee